Why Does My Video Script Sound Stiff When I Read It?
Mar 08, 2023
Because you wrote it in written English and you are trying to speak it. Formal wording, long sentences and words you would never use at a barbecue read fine on the page and come out stiff. Write the script in the words you actually say, then read it back aloud.
Why does formal wording fall apart the moment you say it?
Because written English and spoken English are two different registers, and a script is written in one and delivered in the other. At a barbecue you use casual language, pauses and inflection without thinking about it, and the message lands. Put the same point in a document and you reach for the longer word, the fuller sentence and the tidy construction, because that is what writing rewards. Then you read it off a prompter and none of the barbecue version comes with it.
"Your brain is constantly tricking you when it comes to reading your video script from a teleprompter." - Chris Schwager
The tell is that you can hear it and not locate it. The read feels wrong, so you assume the problem is your delivery, and you go looking for a performance fix. Sometimes it is delivery, and there is a whole separate skill to speak on camera with confidence. But if the words on the page are words you would never say, no amount of practice makes them sound like yours. Fix the register first.
What does the same script sound like written both ways?
In the episode Chris reads two versions of the same fitness app script, written side by side. The first opens with "Our new fitness app is a great tool to help you achieve your fitness goals. It's easy to use and has a lot of great features." It is accurate, it is grammatical, and it is about the product. The second opens by asking whether you are tired of feeling lost in the gym and whether you struggle to stay on track with your nutrition goals, then offers the app as the answer and the free trial as the risk-free way in.
Same features, same offer, same length. The difference is that one is a description and the other is a conversation, and only one of them opens with the viewer. Chris's own verdict on the first version, live on air, was that it is robotic and a bit bland.
That is a rewrite, not a cut, which is worth separating from the question of how much script to write in the first place. A stiff script does not get better by being halved. It gets better by being said differently.
Who should you actually write the script for?
Not the decision maker. Chris's working rule is to write for the person who knows nothing about your business and has been handed the job of finding someone like you.
"It's Sally, the intern that's been chosen to find you. And Sally doesn't know anything about your business, right?" - Chris Schwager
Write for Sally and the jargon has to go, because she has no way to decode it. That is the practical test for every line: would this sentence survive being read by someone with no context? It also settles a lot of internal arguments about wording, since "our audience expects this language" usually means the three people who already work in the industry expect it.
Simplifying the words is not the same as simplifying the point. The point still has to be one thing, which is what the controlling idea behind the script is for. Register is about how you say it. That is about what you are saying.
What does a stiff script actually cost you?
Attention first. Nobody sits through a video that sounds like a brochure being read to them, and the exit is faster than it used to be.
"It's not even a click anymore. It's a thumb swipe. Boom. Done. Next." - Chris Schwager
Then memorability. A message that does not resonate does not get remembered, so it does not get acted on, and the lead or the sale that the video existed to produce never arrives. Chris names that as the whole point of the exercise: the video is there to get someone to do something, and a script that compels nobody costs you the action, not just the view.
It costs you internally as well. A read that fights you is a read you will avoid doing again, which is how a business ends up with one uncomfortable video and no second one. Getting the words right is the messaging half of the work; the performance, the tech and actually shipping it are the other three, which is what we work through when clients get confident on camera.
Key moments
Timestamps refer to the episode audio above and to the transcript below.
- 0:28 - The barbecue comparison: why speaking comes naturally and reading does not.
- 1:57 - What a stiff, formal script costs you: attention, memory, leads.
- 3:55 - The same fitness app script read two ways, non-conversational then conversational.
- 6:54 - Write for Sally the intern, not for the target market.
- 7:42 - The video types where a conversational script matters most.
Frequently asked questions
Does writing conversationally make me sound unprofessional?
No. Formal wording signals distance, not authority. The words you use at a barbecue are the words your buyer already understands, and understanding is what earns trust. Professional means clear, prepared and easy to follow. Nobody has ever dismissed a business because its sentences were plain and easy to follow.
How do I check whether my script is conversational before I record?
Say it out loud, at pace, standing up. The stiff lines announce themselves: you stumble on them, you run out of breath halfway through, or you catch yourself using a word you have never said in conversation. Rewrite those lines the way you would explain the point to one person sitting across the table, then read it again.
My industry is formal. Will casual language cost me credibility?
Chris makes this exact point about a Canberra client working on a political corporate topic in this episode. His old videos had no human in them, just imagery and voiceover, and the fix was not to drop the seriousness of the subject. It was to let him say it in plainer words, on camera, as himself. People buy from people, including in the political space.
Should I write the script word for word, or work off bullet points?
Chris records this episode as a hybrid, part written script and part going off the cuff, and says so on air. A full script gives you the structure and stops you wandering; bullet points keep the phrasing live. Whichever you choose, the words on the page still have to be words you would say, or the read will fight you.
Transcript
Read the full transcript
Why conversational scripts are key to captivating video content. When you're writing a script for a video, it can be tempting to sound formal and professional using big words and complex sentences. But here's the thing, if your script isn't conversational, you risk losing your audience's attention and engagement.
[00:00:23] I'm your host, Chris Schwager, and welcome to the Video Made Simple podcast.
[00:00:28] Why is it crucial to be conversational in your video scripts? Well, think about how you communicate in real life. When you're having a conversation with someone at a barbecue, for instance, using a casual language, pauses, and other speech patterns that might, other speech patterns that make your message more relatable and engaging. Your brain is constantly tricking you when it comes to reading your video script from a teleprompter. What you do normally at a barbecue, uh, speaking with all the tone and all the inflection and all the body language and the speed and all that sort of stuff comes naturally.
[00:01:13] It's like it comes unconsciously and of course, the flip side to that is when you read from a prompter or you're reading your script, it becomes unnatural and it becomes very, very boring and monotonous. By contrast, if you speak in a monotone voice with no inflection, your message can sound just so boring and un uninteresting, and that's not the way people want to hear your stuff. They need structure and they need to hear it in at tone. Much like what I'm giving you now, where I'm doing this hybrid between script and going off the cuff, and I'm very, very aware of my higher tones that I can use and intercept attention so that it keeps it nice and interesting for the listener or the viewer.
[00:01:57] Here are some serious consequences. Serious consequences of being stiff and formal with your script. And I've got my writer here in my peripheral vision, and she's given me a big smile and a laugh here because we're choosing to run this scripting session today as the podcast itself. So this is the first time I'm reading this, so, uh, back to it, right?
[00:02:22] You'll lose your audience's attention. People have short attention spans. Oh man. Just look at TikTok, right? Especially when it comes to a video content. If your script doesn't engage them right away, then you may, they may click away and move on to something else. And look, you know what? It's not even a click anymore. It's a thumb swipe. Boom. Done. Next. You know that that's how quick it is. It is microseconds, milliseconds, if it doesn't engage them earlier, you are gone, man, gone forever. Your message will be forgettable. If your script doesn't resonate with your audience, they, they're unlikely to remember it or take action.
[00:03:03] You'll miss out on that amazing opportunity to make that lasting impression you'll miss out on the potential leads or sales, another ultimate goal for so many of our clients. The whole point of creating a video is, people to take action, whether that's signing up for a newsletter or buying their product, if your script doesn't compel people to take action, you'll miss out on potential leads or sales.
[00:03:27] Here is a sample script that we can analyze to demonstrate the importance of conversational scripting. Now we love to put our scripts, uh, with audio down on one side and visuals down on the other. Let's have a look at, and that's the way that Christine's put this together a little bit, but she's got instead, non conversational scripting example on the left and a conversational scripting example on the right.
[00:03:50] So let's have a listen to the non conversational scripting example for a second.
[00:03:55] Our new fitness app is a great tool to help you achieve your fitness goals. It's easy to use and has a lot of great features. You can track your workout, and N and Nutrition set goals and get personalized recommendations based on your progress. Download the app now and start your free trial.
[00:04:15] So that's their non conversational version. Now let's see if Christine's done a. Uh, an amazing job here. This is the conversational scripting example.
[00:04:26] Are you tired of feeling lost in the gym? Do you struggle to stay on track with your nutrition goals? Our new fitness app can help you with our easy to use platform. You can track your workouts and get nutrition set goals and get personalized recommendations to help you stay on track. Plus, with I'm doing my best conversational voice, by the way, with our free trial, you can try it out risk free. Download the app now and start taking control of your fitness. Hmm. Interesting.
[00:04:57] More conversational. Ah, yeah. You know, like, yeah, I, I suppose it is. I mean, look, one is definitely the first one's definitely more, uh, you know, robotic and a bit more pl bland. And I think the conversational script just, you know, it's funny when I, when I'm writing for conversation, I mean, I, I get all types of characters when I'm writing, right?
[00:05:20] So the, the client in the mo in the moment I'm dealing with in Canberra is working with, um, a really political corporate style topic, so it's very hard to, to kind of crack him. But in the same breath, I, I'm kind of reflecting and doing sort of video audits on his previous content. Go, man, who is this built for?
[00:05:41] I mean, it is so dry, no human in the video. It's all just like imagery and, and, and voiceover just so, so dry and boring, and it really is. and he has finally swung around to this concept of, look, you know, it can just be him on camera delivering a far cleaner and clearer message. Um, and he'll be doing an amazing job at building that rapport. And, you know, people buy from people even in the political space, right? He's asking them to do something. The way in which we've put this together is, is exactly right. You know, and I think he swung around to this concept of, okay, so if I can just, you know, communicate it in a kind of a simple, easier to listen to language, then it's definitely gonna hit a broader market.
[00:06:31] So that's how philosophy of script writing and make sure you try and get the simplification around wording so that you're targeting the, I hate to say it, but targeting the dumbest version of your audience. You want everybody, um, into, in want to get them on board. You know, I always like to, uh, assume that it's not the target market that's gonna watch this video.
[00:06:54] It's Sally, the intern that's been chosen to find you. And Sally doesn't know anything about your business, right? So if you are talking to Sally, uh, that can be, um, uh, a great way to justify that you need to simplify and break down your language so that it's nice and easy for them to digest. Let us move on.
[00:07:19] By contrast, if you make an effort to be conversational in your video scripts, you can reap numerous benefits. You'll engage your audience, make your message more memorable, and increase your chances of achieving your goals. Now, while conversational script is beneficial for most types of videos, there are some benefic, uh, some specific types of videos where it especially effective. Wow. This just goes on and on.
[00:07:42] Here are some examples of videos where conversational scripts can be beneficial. Christine is giving me the nod and she's like, yep. Well, let's wrap this up right here are the videos. Explainer videos. They're gonna simplify complex topics. Marketing videos are gonna use, be used to personalize and, and, and use as a relatable tone so people can kind of gravitate towards that. Training videos are used, uh, using a conversational tone that can make them more engaging. Interactive vlogs and personalized videos, uh, as well, which can be conversational tone that can create an authentic and relatable experience for viewers, which can help them feel more connected and to create um, uh, a connected pathway to an action, right? And this is all about connecting with your audience.
[00:08:31] Overall, conversational scripting can be beneficial for a wide range of video types, as it helps to create a more engaging, interactive experience for viewers and can make the information present. Presented, more accessible and memorable.
[00:08:44] If you are struggling. Here we go. We're finally on the ad sell, the wrap up.
[00:08:48] If you are struggling to create conversational video scripts, our team of experts, including Christine, are here to help. We offer personalized coaching and guidance to help you create video content that resonates with your audience. Contact us today to learn more.
[00:09:05] And don't forget to subscribe to our channel for more valuable Video Made Simple ideas. Is this podcast useful to you? Let me know in the chat. That's all for this episode. Thanks for listening, and see you next week.
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